Makeover at Macy's

After much research, I decided that I simply had to try Estee Lauder's new eye patches . . . guaranteed to take years off your eye wrinkles.

So I went to Macy's . . . yeah, I know, you can already see where this one is heading . . .

I went to the EL counter. A lovely young girl in her twenties greeted me and asked how she could help. I told her that I knew I wanted the eye patches and I also wanted a moisturizer that is NOT GREASY!

"Take a seat" she told me.

Uh oh . . . you know that's how they suck you in . . .

But you know, it's been several eons since I have had a skin care consultation and I didn't have anything better to do with my time . . . yeah, OK . . show me what ya got . . .

You can figure how that worked out . . . my Macy's card is crying . . . but ya know, I don't feel bad about it because I have been meaning to do something like that for a long time and just never take the time. So fine.

Then she offered me a makeup consultation.

Well, shit - I remember the last makeup consultation I had . . . I was 14 at the time! So sure - let's do it!!

When given the choices, I opted for something between the "classic" and "romantic" looks . . .

So she goes through the whole routine . . . foundation (which I rarely wear), powder (which I never wear), blush (which I also seldom wear since I drive a convertible), eye makeup . . . oh this was getting interesting, lipstick and gloss.

The end result?

Well, let's just say that I left the place, I called my husband and explained to him that I would be stopping at home before I finished my errands.

He asked me why and I explained that I had just had a makeover and refused to go out in public looking the way I now did.

As usual, he poo-pooed my reaction. Fine - whatever.

I got home. He was in the bedroom watching TV. I turned the light on but left my sunglasses on.

I went through the whole story about the skin care consultation and what all I bought and then she offered me a makeup consultation . . . at this point his eyes were starting to glaze over and his hand was doing the "hurry up and get to the point" routine.

Then I took off my sunglasses.

He stared at me,

"You look like a ghoul"

I am aware of that, thank you.

I swear - the foundation she used was way too light, the eye shadow was way too dark, and the way she applied it - the heavy hand she applied it with . . . well, let's just say that MAYBE I would consider going out to a dark club like that . . . after midnight . . . when the rest of the world is drunk and can't see straight . . .

Seriously . . . I looked like the offspring of a ghost who mated with a raccoon . . .